We returned from a whirlwind week of visitations, memorial and funeral serves, spread out over 3 states and everyday life began again. That's when the anger stage set in - real life began and my Mom wasn't there at the end of the phone line. The kids were doing cute things and hitting milestones and who would I call that really cared like their Granny did? God was not my friend at that point in my life. We weren't all that close to begin with and now he had really messed up things for me and I wasn't speaking with him.
It took years to gain back my voice. Years and a series of events and people that God put in my path to teach me not only how to pray again, but how to really, truly pray. How to talk with God without any concerns about what exactly is the right thing to say. How to know God well enough to have him as my closest friend, one that I can confide anything in.
These days, I pray in so many ways and I know that they are all good and pleasing to God. I pray in a constant stream of chatter that goes on in my head. I pray memorized prayers. I pray with my children and husband. I pray in color when I use my markers on paper to keep me focused on a certain scripture or prayer request. I pray through the labyrinth, though I usually get lost, at least I am lost in prayer. I still pray my "Dear God...." letter-type prayers. I pray in nature, I pray in the car, I pray in the shower. I pray when I am happy and I pray when I am mad. I pray for myself, I pray for others and I pray for our world.
Prayer is just my conversation with God and now that I have finally figured that out, I no longer try to fit it into a little box of correct and incorrect ways to pray. I lift up my voice to the Lord in all sorts of ways. And when I'm doing really well, I remember to stop and listen to what God has to say to me. That's not my strongest point right now. I'm still working on it, but I know I can ask for help with that too and God will provide.
And that is the evolution of my prayer life, so far......
No comments:
Post a Comment